Your Safety Matters.

Considerations for Using Nonviolent Communication (NVC) developed by Marshall Rosenberg - Written by Tanya Bezreh

NVC is not the only right way to say things:

One of the things that happened to me

When I started practicing NVC

Is when my partner and I would disagree

We’d scream “give me empathy!”

And I get it! It feels divine

To be met with gentleness all the time

If only our partners were always skilled

And always bent their habits to our wills!

Demanding empathy isn’t the spirit

And there is power in learning to hear it

–The needs underneath whatever words they say–

And that’s where these skills can save the day

NVC offers new ways to understand and perceive

Which many problems can aleve

And puts you in a space of choice

About how *you* will use your voice

Empathy practice circles are not therapy:

The healing power of empathy

Is indisputable to me

So many things have been resolved

And ancient traumas have dissolved

Still it’s important for you to see

That empathy practice circles are not therapy

We’re people learning all this stuff

And sharing our passion… and that’s enough

You have choice about whether you want to be in connection:

NVC can really empower

People to help their relationships flower

But remember that you still have choice

Not everyone deserves your gentlest voice

And it is entirely up to you

Who you bring your life force to

It isn’t anti-NVC

To choose whose friend you want to be

NVC does not solve all problems immediately:

Even though we grow our skill

There is no expectation that we will

Transcend every single hard thing

Or that peace will always win

It would only create frustration

To create such expectations

So we hold the dream lightly

And go back to our self-empathy

People good at NVC can still be shitty to you:

Every kind of charlatan

and new age fuck boy thinks he can

Seduce you with his sylvan words

“His empathy is the best I’ve ever heard!!”

But know that some people can only be

In that space of empathy

For a few minutes or a few days

And then go back to other ways

So if you’re wise, please don’t equate

pretty words for “I found my mate”

And still check in with common sense

Before you drop every last defense

I think that sometimes we are starved

For empathy and warmth and love

And so we eagerly devour

Before checking if the food is sour

Do not use NVC to gaslight yourself:

If you have a tendency

To blame yourself scrupulously

And approach things as neurotic–

Playing small and avoiding conflict

NVC can also be

Learning to request things bravely

Tuning in to your own body

And getting in touch with your own needs

Because for some it’s easier

To guess the needs of others

And we’re not as good at tuning in

To needs emerging from within

Or maybe we are quite resigned

And a have a vow that “we don’t mind

Mattering less than anyone else

And putting our own needs on the shelf”

Sometimes I fear it’s only those

Who already love kindness who chose

To learn more about NVC

And dive into deeper empathy

When really they need combat training

To escape situations that are draining

Don’t use this beautiful modality

To keep yourself from finding safety

People who are clueless about NVC can still be loving and empathetic people:

Shout out to all the people who

Will never have a single clue

About the words we’re learning here

But hold my heart with utter care

There’s more to NVC than identifying feelings and needs:

NVC has lots and lots to teach

And many resources are within reach

Some of our beloved teachers

We’ve listed here so you can go deeper:

Marshall Rosenberg

Peggy Smith

Leah Boyd

Sarah Peyton

John Kinyon

You can also google NVC and find many free resources